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Continue reading →: What’s in a name
When I first decided to divorce, I didn’t know what to do about my name. I had legally changed my name to take on my husband’s name. It was important to me because I wanted there to be a “physical” representation of family unity – I wanted to share a…
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Continue reading →: Shiny
Shiny: to reflect light, to have an effervescence, to emit a joy that others could feel/see This was one of my favorite qualities I didn’t know I had until I lost it. My shininess didn’t make me the center of attention, but it gave me an exuberance and effervescence for…
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Continue reading →: Misnomers
One of the things I struggled a lot with during marriage was anxiety. It was a feeling I hated because prior to marriage, I had never dealt with it. It was a word I had no ties to. I had nothing against it, no judgment, just no personal dealings. In…
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Continue reading →: Resilience Bootcamp
It’s August now and here’s a snapshot of what’s happened: April – initiated the divorce process May, June, July – fell into a deep despairing place because of the divorce process August – slowly picking myself back up The emotional and physical funk I fell into was a sharp left…
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Continue reading →: Let there be fur
So I did a thing. I got a dog. My whole life I wanted a dog. I had one for 6 months when I was younger, and then after the dog tried to bite me, by parents gave it away while I was at school. It was devastating. I was…
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Continue reading →: Pharaoh’s Yes
Month 11 I’ve long decided now to divorce. Decided is probably not the right word. Divorce was made self-evident by my husband’s choices. Choices to continue to abuse me during this separation. Choices to blame me for the separation instead of taking ownership of his abuse. Choices to refuse collaborative…
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Continue reading →: Why I Stayed
Recently I’ve been working with Christian clients stuck in abusive marriages and a common factor rings true for why most of these clients stayed in their marriages for so long: the church. But I won’t talk about them. I’ll talk about me. If I could order my priorities for much…
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Continue reading →: Watch Your Step
I went for a hike with a good friend today. She’s the type of friend that does triathlons for fun and thinks most physical things are easy. When she first told me about the hike, she said it was “very doable”. I cautiously agreed. Within the first 5 minutes of…
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Continue reading →: But They Mean Well
When my kids ask to help me cook, I always need to assess my level of tolerance for fun and mess in the moment. Because, in the most literal sense, they don’t actually help in terms of reducing work. In fact, they increase the amount of work. If I need…
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Continue reading →: Healthy relationships are based on this
Abusive relationships are inherently conditional, performative connections. If partner V does not do exactly as partner A prefers, then partner V will pay. And that payment is painful – it’s punishment, humiliation, blame. I’m taking a class through Leslie Vernick’s ministry, and the topic today covered 2 unhealthy relationship patterns: …
Hello,
I’m the Pull Up Therapist
Follow me on my journey as I navigate life out of an abusive marriage. This will be an honest look from the perspective of a Christ-following marriage and family therapist. This is a safe corner for those who have been wondering if they are ok in their marriage and perhaps needing courage to rise again.
Rise Again.
No matter what you've been through, there is hope to pull up and rise again.
"He pulled me out of a horrible pit,
out of the mud and clay.
He set my feet on a rock
and made my steps secure."
Psalm 40:2
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