At least not in the first year. Did I read that anywhere? No. But if I had a client, who had just come out of an abusive marriage, tell me that they haven’t been consistently working out, reflecting, eating right, sleeping right, etc, I would tell them, “there’s no consistency in healing.” 

Because healing is messy. It’s not this forever upward moving line. It’s the ugly graph that is our economy. 

But there is hope in healing. There is progress in healing. 

And here is my progress:

• I have joined and greatly benefitted from various support groups. Two in particular have been incredible: DivorceCare and Leslie Vernick’s Equip group. 
• I have deepened local friendships. As a mom, and someone in their 30’s, it is HARD to make deep friendships. Surface level ones are abundant. Mom friends where you complain about kids’ fussiness and sometimes the husband blunder, are everywhere. But the deep friends where you can cry on their shoulder about your abusive husband? Where are they? They are at the other side of the canyon called risk. And I jumped for 3 friends who all agreed to “go the next level” with me. 
• I have become more transparent. I’m no longer putting an eloquent and vague filter over my words when I describe what occurs between me and my husband. Because when I say “he wasn’t nice”, that doesn’t do justice to his attempts to shut me down or shut me up. I have sent screenshots or said verbatim things my husband has wrote/said to me. And everytime, my friend is shocked by the content. 
• I have started to prioritize my healing. The first 2 months of separation I was so focused on the kids and easing their transition. We spent Saturday and Sundays together as a family of 4. Every night we’d call their dad to have nightly talks. It was getting to be emotionally unsustainable for me. I was burnt out – constantly surrounded by people and needs. So last week I took 2 big risks: 1) I asked for more alone time with the boys 2) I said I would no longer participate in weekend family times. My DivorceCare group were the first to point out that my weekly schedule did not look like someone who was separated. They also warned that that could also be confusing for the kids. At some point, the kids need to start coping/accepting the new reality, lest they remain in a perpetual state of hope/confusion of their are-they-together/are-they-not parents.
• I archived 2 tantrumming, accusing emails from my husband tonight. They don’t deserve my attention, energy, or response. 

I’m proud of how far I’ve come and how much of myself I’m reclaiming. 

Pull up update: I can now do a pull up with just one band. Progress!